What do I really want for my 30th birthday?

 I will be turning 30 soon. 3 and the big 'OH'. Oh sounds like Hoe reversed, doesn't it? Do I feel like one? Now that I've mentioned it, I don't feel so good about anything these days. My period is late for starters. And it is making me cranky. AG92 is being a dick, mostly cause he is sick, and partially cause he is incapable of human emotions. DD is untrustworthy, as usual. A few of my friends have decided to ditch me on my birthday. Wait, there is more. I have a terrible cold and cough and of course, headaches are free with these two! My colleague with massive body odour issues just entered office and I can smell her from across the room, with a stuffed nose, so that is something! Oh god, the stench! It feels like someone described the current smell of my life. If my life right now could have a signature fragrance, it would resemble her awful stench! 

To top it off, work is hard. Like really hard. I am exhausted even before the day begins. I look forward to going back home and watching a movie with Ma. That is the only happy time I have during the day. Nothing other than that. 

AF asked me out for an ice cream yesterday. I said no. I am a bit sick of people. I feel like running away from here with Ma and DD. I am not in love with DD anymore so it doesn't hurt. But if I could just have one day of doing nothing and chilling beside a river, sipping on chai and discussing life, I'd take it. Take it in one go. 

The other alternative is to have a few close friends cut the cake with me. My friend was right. Keep your expectations super duper low. I want to take a road trip with mom and DD. Just chill for 2 days. That's all. 

I am tired of all the pressure that I have put upon myself. Nobody cares! Like seriously! Nobody does! At all. 

Can I just cancel it all and travel? Travel and take 0 calls on my birthday. Just dance on silly numbers while I am in the passenger seat. No pressure of getting married. No pressure of stupid worthless deadlines. 0 PRESSURE in short. This is what I really want. For real. 

Don't know what will actually happen on my birthday. Let's see. 

Aaliyah  

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