Bye Bye! Twenty Nine!

 This is my last blog as a 29 year old woman. From tomorrow, I will be a 30 year old woman. 30! Fuck! I want to be honest here. I am scared af. Cause I do not know what to expect. Which brings me to the most important question that I have been meaning to ask myself for such a long time now - Am I truly proud of myself? 

The answer to this question is YES! My reasons to be proud of myself will not include a single materialistic reason. I don't have a house. I don't have a car. I don't have gold jewellery. I haven't taken a Euro Trip in ages. 

What I have instead is - 

1. I have helped people who were struggling to make ends meet to receive some funds to make their lives simpler. 

2. I have stood up against my Stepdad and father time and again to protect my mom. 

3. I have given a lot of love to a lot of undeserving people but at the same time have gracefully exited their life when things got ugly. 

4. I have dared to work with really big and famous organisations yet have left them the second I was disrespected - mentally, emotionally or sexually. 

5. I have been a good daughter (only to my mom), a good elder sister (mostly), a great ex-girlfriend to all my exes, a lovely friend to my Inner Circle friends. 

6. I have survived fatal diseases like Dengue,  Hepatitis A and COVID-19, all of which adversely impacted my health, yet I decided to see the silver lining and write a Research Proposal on it so that I can save lives. 

7. I still continue to see the good in people despite the n number of times they have hurt me. 

8. I continue to believe in a Happy Ending despite the 30 years of my life standing testimony to the fact that it has never actually really worked for me. 

9. I have the most beautiful heart that continues to beat despite it having every reason to give up. 

10. I am honest, loyal, faithful and any man would be lucky to be with someone like me. 

Read these 10 points when you're awfully low baby. 

The first 30 years of your life were very challenging. You've had a really troubled childhood, yet you didn't take support of alcohol or drugs to come out of it. You've had your heart broken a million times by cheaters, yet you never cheated on anyone. You've had every reason to be obnoxiously rude to people who were so mean to you, yet you maintained your grace. If these things are not worthy of being proud of, I don't know what is. 

Now coming to the next 30 years (if I live that long that is). 

For the next phase of my life, these are the following qualities that I wish to keep in my heart - 

1. Faith in my heart that god and his angels are always around and are protecting me. God has, time and again proved that he is always looking out for me. Be it with my disease or with my mom's disease. God has loved me on days when I was on the floor of my room, howling for help. He keeps sending his angels to me for help. But remember, angels are being sent with their expiry date. They have to leave once the task is over. Okay? 

2. Acceptance- Dealing with losing people. If someone leaves, allow them to leave. Ask them once if they are sure of their decision. Then let them go. It is important for your growth. Believe in god's plan. He knows what he is doing. If someone has been removed from your life, it has been planned by someone who has your best interest in your heart. 

3. Forgiveness - Let it go baby. Just let her go. You know who I am talking about. Love can't be measured quantitatively. It's okay if you give 5x to someone and they are designed to give only x in return. We all are not the same. My ability to give love is my biggest superpower. But, it is also a burden because I expect 5x. x != 5x. It can never be. So forgive the people who were not able to love you for you. Who were not able to give you the love you deserve. But at least, you should give the remaining 4x to yourself. Love yourself and be proud of yourself, every single day. You are god's best creation and you need to accept that you're sunshine. 

4. Don't Chase - If it is not reciprocated - smile, breathe, leave. It can be at work or in your relationships. Know that people will keep coming back to you. You need someone who never leaves. When you find that someone, you stay :) 

5. Learn how to file your own ITR!!!!!! 

6. Continue to believe in true love and having a happy married life despite the odds. 

7. Be curious - Continue to learn and implement! 

So baby, as you turn 30, look at it as a milestone. You've accomplished so much despite the roadblocks. You're not alone in this new journey. You never were. 

Love you loads future Aaliyah! Go make me proud!