Same Mistake! Again!

 Am I again trying to see him for who he is not, for who he just "might" become? Am I placing my bet on potential knowing fully well that the reality is that he is incapable of loving someone. Why does fake love give more comfort as opposed to the reality? The reality is always inconclusive. Always. Am supposed to be okay with the breadcrumbs, again?

DD offers me the world only when I end things. Not otherwise. He is still hopeful to find the love of his life. I actually find it so amusing! I hope to find someone nice and then work towards the relationship, while he aims to find someone perfect. Like a made to order model. I feel like Carrie all the time when Big chooses Natasha over her. Why wasn't it me? She kept asking. Kept badgering herself with this question. I stopped asking myself this months ago. Sometimes you simply need to make peace with the fact that people are idiots and they are meant to regret losing you. They will. That is the law of nature. 

AG92 is incapable of showing emotions when sober. He's locked his heart in a safe. He is like the beast. I am not the beauty here, but I am still hoping for a fairytale. I am projecting my hopes and dreams and aspirations and wishes of a beautiful future on someone I have never met. On someone who has become so mechanical that he has forgotten how to live. Sometimes I feel like giving up on all the people I have to run after to sustain a connection. Wonder what will happen if I give up on them. 

Last night when I was asking for an RSVP, I realised how I was making so much of an effort to ask people to attend my party. Instead of making me feel special, I was making others feel special. Nobody made me feel special except for mom. And you know what, I don't care! At all! 

Whosoever wants to come can come, whosoever wants to leave can leave. If I can manage just fine without my best friend, I can manage life without everyone else (except mom). 

 You can only do so much! Right baby? 

Love (empty),

Aaliyah

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