Crossroads!

 Now what? Stuck again? DD makes me lose my mind! This love is crazy. I did not speak to him for a week. In that one week, I was miserable. Horribly miserable. Loneliness trumps pride any day. Truth be told, I am not as afraid of loneliness as I am of not having him around to hold me, having experienced his love. 

This time there is a twist! A lovely twist. We have the entry of a new dashing hero: AG92. Never met him. My best friend from my Bristol days, Tee, she introduced us. In one word, he is polite. Polite and respectful. I, on the other hand, am being overly nice to him for some reason. Is it because I have a genuine sense of concern for him cause he lost his mom. Initially, I was more nice to him than usual cause I even shudder to think of the day when my mom does not call to ask me about what I've had so far and what will I have for dinner? I think, I am more of a nurturer (who does not know how to cook :P). So my niceness was directly proportional to my concern for him since nobody checks up on him, like ever. Well that, and of course, he is insanely good looking. I sometimes wonder if I would be as nice to him had he not been so good-looking. Honestly, no, I would not have even asked Tee to introduce us. Maybe I am very shallow. Which is bad. 

Meanwhile, AF texted today. he has been making constant efforts to try to meet me. I have been avoiding him. Let the battle remain between DD and AG92. I do not wish to confuse myself even more. 

But honestly, if I had to choose between DD and AG92 - I'd choose my crazy life with DD. DD is the real Mr.Big in my life. He makes me crazy, he makes me want to punch a wall, he makes me want to bang my head, but he also makes me want to run to him. This, this is what crazy, stupid, love is supposed to feel like. This! Exactly this! 

AG92 does not deserve a crazy woman like me. He deserves happiness. Why can't I be selfish for once and simply act all smart and win AG92's heart! I can't. I feel that he is being protected by his mom. He is a beautiful soul. Simple, nice and kind. 

Okay, let's make this easy for the both of us. Since we have never met and since he hates long distance relationships, I am single till the day we both decide if we want to take it forward. Right? So if I am single, I get to choose who I want to be with today, if not tomorrow. 

By that logic, I can flirt with anybody, till we decide on what we want. At the moment, AG92 is not enough for me. I have a lot going on and I don't wish to burden him with my issues. As it is he has just moved to a new place. So just accept that you're single. Be his friend first, get to know him better. Don't jump the gun. Be patient with him and his heart. 

Hopefully, DD can realise that I truly am, his One True Love. Guys realise it late, I know he will too. And what will happen then? DD's indecisiveness is costing me my mental peace. I am screwing up my future for a half-baked supposed love. And, we are back to square one! 

Why does it all have to be so complicated. My brain wants to retire. Thank god for Only Murders in the Building! I have something great to go back home to! 

Love (is confused af),

Aaliyah

  

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