Why isn't love enough?

I haven't seen Closer yet, but there a scene between Natalie and Jude Law that keeps popping up on my Instagram. She tells him that no one will ever love him like her and asks him with desperate eyes "Why isn't love enough?". It's not. It never was. It never will be.

 I don't have much to lose now. I imagine the worst that can happen and it all leads to god. Every single time. No, I am not suicidal. I am just processing all that life has thrown my way. I think I have a habit of putting things inside a box and locking it. That's my coping mechanism. Hoping and praying that it does not manifest in some way or the other when triggered.

What's working well for me? 

1. My health

2. My mom's health

3. A stable job

4. A decent house

5. A few good friends 

What's not working for me? 

1. An indecisive heart

2. Lack of passion in my work 

3. Lower back pain ( and I am not even doing anything about it which is wrong)

4. Lack of a vision for my future

I have stopped talking to AF. Does it make me like Nescafe? Is AF Aaliyah here? I hope not. I can't believe that when thrown in a similar situation, I reacted exactly like Nescafe would. And now, I finally understand him better. 

When you're with someone for sometime, they imprint on you. Your mind, body and soul. They might be absolutely toxic for you, but you actually can't live without them. Now I understand that it had nothing to do with me ever. It was always about the effect she had on him. He did try to come out of it. Like I am trying to come out of DD. But no matter what I try, I always fail miserably. Maybe, it is not our time to part ways yet. 

DD is my beanbag. The other day I was having a conversation with a friend. He is fairly good-looking, really accomplished, but still single. He is still bewildered by it all. So he asked me, why do so many good women choose the wrong men? The answer is simple. There are two types of guys in the world: the warm, fuzzy doughnut guy and the spicy paanipuri guy. The paanipuri guy will always know how to attract your attention. The warm fuzzy doughnut guy will maintain his distance. Paanipuri guy will sweep you off your feet, and you will want that. The thrill will make you crazy! But once the thrill is over, you'll get diarrhoea! That is inevitable. So choose the warm fuzzy doughnut guy. Always. His moves may be slow, but he is in for the long haul. 

Anyway, I will write a part 2 of this blog soon. I don't have the answer to this question right now, but I will have soon. 

Love (is sleepy cause I didn't sleep well last night),

Aaliyah

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