Stuck in Love? Again!

 I came across a quote from the movie Stuck in Love. I actually read it on Instagram today. Got intrigued and so I decided to watch the movie. The quote went like this - 

"There are two kinds of people in this world. Hopeless romantics and realists. A realist just sees that face and packs it in every other pretty girl they've ever seen before. The hopeless romantic becomes convinced that God put them on Earth to be with that one person." 

I gravitated towards watching this movie today out of all days. Nescafe texted me today. He got married in December last year. I don't know why he texted me, but I guess some invisible force made him do it. His text to me was - " I'm sorry. I don't know how, why, what, but I am. I know it for a fact that I will always wish the best in the world for you. After all, the best deserve the best. I unknowingly did a lot of things wrong, which probably I shouldn't have. I'll always be grateful to fate that I got a chance to meet you and will always pray that you forgive me for whatever wrong I would have done." 

I waited for an apology for so long that I actually stopped waiting for it. Sometimes, you simply accept the wrong that was done to you. Hopeless romantic that I am, I was always the Emma Morley of One Day or April Hoffman of Definitely, Maybe. Always the best friend, but it would take me a lifetime to become a leading lady. Somehow, I did accept it. And today, when I least expected it, an apology came right to me. In that moment, when I was busy working, he must be thinking about me. The expectations are so low that simply knowing that he took 30 seconds to type this text gave me my closure. There's no forgiveness here, nobody to be forgiven. The crime happened ages ago, the heart was the victim. It stopped beating a long time ago. A sorry might help him feel less guilty about him ghosting out on me or might help him set things straight in the Karma logbook. But how does that even help me. 

When I read the text (10 times to be honest), I didn't feel a sense of joy or relief. I had never even imagined that I would receive a sorry, let alone such a big apology. People wreck people and then go about doing their business like nothing happened and then, maybe 2 years down the line, when something bad happens in their lives, they think someone has cursed them and then they desperately try to make amends. That is the circle of life. Maybe they're not even sorry. They're just scared and want to prevent the curse from happening. It's so funny to imagine, if I went around cursing every guy who ever hurt me, you'd find so many frogs in the city! And no, the spell would be irreversible so nobody would even kiss them to break the spell.

The problem is that I didn't actually feel anything after receiving the text. The apology was too late, too shallow. The scar in my heart was too deep. How does such a puny word fix such a deep scar? But I rejoice in knowing that something must have made him think about his actions and apologise. So he did have a conscience after all. No, I am not in love with him anymore. Took me a set of tragic events to fall out of love with him. Though I am glad that I am over it. I was actually the hopeless romantic, the one I described in the quote above. For 3 years I thought I was put on Earth to be with him. Now I question why was I even put on earth at all. Well, that's a story for another day.

So, I started watching this movie, Stuck in Love. 5 minutes into the movie and I realised that I have seen this before. But I perceived it differently this time. Maybe over the course of time I have become a little more emotionally mature to understand things. There were so many mother daughter scenes wherein I missed my mom. The rebel attitude of the protagonist was exactly who I was a few years back. The move made me realise that Love waits! Lust doesn't. 

That said, love should never leave in the first place. That night, on 26th November, 2018, my soul recognised his soul. I don't know how that works. Of course, I am a romantic. A hopeless one too. Maybe the idea got stuck in my head. Who's to say anything. But this chapter of my life, is finally over. And I'm numb.

I'd call today an unexpectedly satisfying day :) A good closure and a good movie :) 

Love (has apologised),

Aaliyah


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