New Year! New Me? Really?

 My New Year Resolution for 2021 is - 

Learn to mind your own business! That's it. Stop checking up on people! Stop worrying about the ones who probably don't even have your number saved in their phones, stop following people on the gram who make your life seem like shit. In short, be okay with not reaching out! Really! 

I have always been the kind of person who worries about the people close to me. I am also blessed with a few people who care about me just the same. But not everybody deserves the same kind of love and attention. Especially the ones who never know how to reciprocate it. Imagine, genuinely caring about someone's wellbeing and them not even having the courtesy to reply. Yes, that happens. That happened a couple of times with me in 2020. I won't allow it to happen in 2021. 

This year, hopefully, I will become a more hard-hearted version of myself. They say I am much too sensitive. I get affected a bit too easy. Need to be more thick-skinned. While all this pep-talk sounds motivating, but a part of me is so scared. What if I end up losing the essence of who I truly am. I am someone who cares deeply, loves truly, talks loudly, sings secretly, dances while cooking, calls her loved ones back to hear them say love you just in case they forgot to mention it the first time. See, I am too much at times cause I see love for the greatest feeling that it truly is - genuine care. You can't fake care for someone. I know some people do, I don't. I either care too much or not at all. And if I care too much, I end up making sure that your heart is safe and well taken care of. Is that a bad thing? No, right? Then why do I end up feeling like a fool every time someone chooses to ignore my message. 

I wish people were kinder in 2021. I wish they were more empathetic. I wish they were more compassionate. Even the ones who seem to have their shit together at all times, need a simple hug from time to time. I hope everyone understands this :) 

So, coming back to the biggest question - Will I ever actually learn how to mind my own business and not be overly nice to the ones who treat me bad? I hope I do. But at the same time, I hope I respond to all the love and care that god sends my way, with utmost respect. I hope I don't unknowingly hurt someone with good intentions. I hope I see the good in bad things but still, learn to maintain my distance.

Hopeful,

Aaliyah  

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