Love is Overrated!

 No really! It is! I feel that I would have been just fine without ever experiencing it in the first place. 

Come to think of it, what has love actually ever given me except for heartache. Heartache is a constant symptom that arises once you have been infected by love. And who is to say what is love actually? My definition can always be different than yours and yours can be different than hers and so on and so forth. 

I am not an expert on love. Far from it. I have been beaten down to the ground cause of it though. Metaphorically, not literally. 

Apparently, the love that I offer is not what they want. I look at this like this - my friend has started her own soap making venture. The soaps she makes are really good for the skin but she has a strong stance on not putting perfume in her soaps to make them smell better. That is the stand that she is taking for her brand. So while what she offers is organic and good for the skin, people would still go for something that smells good, looks brighter and is cheaper. Maybe in many ways, I am like the soap she is trying to sell. While I am good for the soul, maybe I am not as shiny as they would expect me to be. Did I just compare myself to a soap?! I guess so! See, that's how bewildered I am these days. 

A school friend of mine texted me yesterday asking me to take a break from guys. The problem with me is that when I take a break, I take a break for good. Then I go inside my shell and decide to give up on people. I become a hermit. And I run away from anything good coming my way. But is anything good actually even coming my way? Hope is such a difficult feeling. I think it is hope that pushes me to do the stupidities that I do. This hope for a happily ever after is depressing. It leads to nothing but despair. 

I think I need to pack hope in a box and send it over to Siberia. Off you go hope. There is no place for you here. Hope was like the fairy lights you put up in your room to make it feel cozy. Now hope is nothing but a fused bulb. It does flicker sometimes. Don't get me wrong, it does. But it feels like it needs CPR but it has already signed the DNR - Do Not Resuscitate. 

With that thought I am officially giving up on love before the darkness consumes me. Romantic love that is. Being a hopeful romantic has been the biggest part of my identity and now without this, I don't know who I am anymore. 

Hurt people actually do hurt people thereby making them feel that they are hard to love. My heart feels jobless on most days now. Well, other than pumping blood, there's not much left to do. 

Lost and Hopeless,

Aaliyah


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