My Petrichor Pages

I think that with 0 attachments left in my heart for anybody, I am finally ready to leave this city and move to a place where no one knows me. Where the shadow of a manipulative Reporting Manager from an MNC does not lurk around me, nor that of a sexual predator. A place where there are no exes, no friends, no family. In short, Mars! Kidding. I am so done with this city. I went for house hunting again yesterday. It was a rude shock. Where is home? I am not even going to begin to describe the dingy locations where these houses were located (my budget fits dingy for now).  Today happens to be Janmashtami. All my friends are busy posting their kids pictures as Kanha. Krishna, does that make you smile? I tried so hard to find them cute, but I could not. Maybe cause I am sulking due to the absence of my own kids or maybe it is because I just don't like people now. At all! 10 good things I did for myself over the weekend:  1. Cleaned my desk, my almirah, my showpiece stand 2. Cleane...

 DD called in the morning, and just like that I forgot about everything. I'll give it all up for him in a heartbeat, he won't do the same for me. I have 10 people who are into me right now. Not even kidding. 10. 2 people at work  1 Nawaab (not in real, but he is from Lucknow so we can name him that) 1 Lawyer* 1 Pilot* AF  Vitamin D  1 Sailor  2 School friends  But the second it comes to DD, I forget about them all.  DD > ∑ (all the men stated above)  DD is home. No matter how much of a mess he makes, I still want to see myself with him. Just him. I feel like the spider who takes two steps forward, only to fall 10 steps back. I am so done talking about him to anybody. I hate him, I love him, I hate that I love him. I wish DD could put an end to my misery. I keep pushing myself to meet people, in that moment everything feels fine, but when I am back in an empty house, it is torturous.  DD has been insensitive at times. I know he doesn't...

 This was the first time, after my break up that I woke up with a smile. I woke up happy. DD was not the first thought I had. I didn't rush to check my phone for his message. I felt good. I took out my brightest indigo blue kurti and paired it up with a beautiful dupatta. I was about to pair it up with the one he bought me. I decided not to. It just didn't match anymore. It's not like it is not gorgeous. It is still drop dead gorgeous. But something in me had changed. It just did not match with what I wanted right now. Something else matched. I had completely forgotten about this other dupatta I had. And it matched perfectly.  I woke up like the song - Kuch toh Hua Hai was playing in the background. My Aman, chose to not be with me. He didn't have an illness. He just decided for the both of us. But is AF Rohit? He wants to take me out for an ice cream everyday. At 29, this makes me happy. Just this. Someone wants to see me after a long day at work, just to crack a few j...

 How did this happen? It was totally unplanned! I went to see him as a friend. Let's name him AF. Nothing else. Just as a friend. He is a good distraction from DD. While I share this amazing comfort level with DD, but all my calls with him end with a sigh! Wishing that he would have chosen me. If someone could keep a track of the number of times I have seen Meredith's "Pick me, choose me, love me" video on YouTube, they would get a hint of what I am going through!  Nescafe left me for his ex, DD is leaving me in the hopes of finding an ever lasting love. Don't know which is worse. To be left for someone or to be left for no one. But that's not the point.   AF is a guy I met on Bumble. We have been texting for a week. We met once last week. It was a good date but I realised that we are very different so we should stick to a platonic friendship.What an oxymoron! Weren't friendships always meant to be platonic! Anyway, we decided to go for a drive last night....

 I have been avoiding this question for such a long time now, in hopes that I don't end up disappointing myself. Our hopes and dreams also have the power to crush us. Unfortunately, I am the kind who gets lazy after her dream gets crushed. I don't think I am as resilient as the others who keep striving to achieve excellence. My PhD was my dream. I wanted to study so much more. I wanted to spend days in the library, actually picking up a book and learning. I don't care if it took 5 years. I needed it for myself. And now, I am complacent with this 9-5. It's like I had to suffocate my dreams to survive. I wish I had the funds. I wish I had a little bit more support from my supervisor. I just wish! Sigh!  I know what I want. I don't want to stay here. Who am I kidding. I don't belong here. I belong there where even when I am alone, I am not lonely. I am not meant to be here. I have to start my life there. I don't have a husband. I have just me! That's all I ...