My Unfinished Love Stories...

... or ! or ?

That's confusing right. Because, are they really over? Like ever? What happens when you don't hear from them? Would you ever pop up like a memory in their heads. Plural, because this post is for all the men I've dated in the past. It's strange right? Just like some small little thing done by somebody, reminds you of someone, doesn't a similar small little thing done by somebody else remind them of you?

Despite the social distancing, I've never been more connected to my inner circle than I am now. Though I have my days when I don't wish to speak to anybody. But that said, most days are good days.

However, there is one feeling that I really miss. I don't know how to explain it. But let me give it a shot. Imagine, you're walking down the road, it is about to rain, the wind is really strong and you have your hoodie on. Though you enjoy the chill in the air, you want to reach home soon. So you start jogging towards home. A part of you, wants to stay out though. It wants to say - Hey! What the hell! What's a few more minutes in this rain? But then the more sensible part of you, doesn't want you to get sick and wants you to rush home. So you rush home. You take off your hoodie, make yourself some amazing hot chocolate and sit close to the fireplace. At that moment - do you want someone next to you???

See, this is where I am stuck in life. Do I? Really? Because the answer is that since I've not really had anyone next to me in real life for the longest time (no, not cause of Corona - I am that girl in the forever single memes, well you guessed it right), I fail to even imagine stuff like this.

Love stories were easier when we were young, I guess. At 17, I felt that everything would work itself out magically. I had never filed a tax return in my life, never thought of working with big brands, never thought of owning amazing designer clothes, but that girl at 17 had something that I lack. Faith!

She believed that the universe would magically work in her favour. She did not dissect every situation on the basis of innumerable past experiences, applying permutations and combinations to figure life out. When life, is light years away from ever being figured out.

Why do I need a happily ever after? Can't I just have my happily today! Just for today, I choose to believe that my story is being written by a writer who loves me, cares for me, adores me and most importantly, chooses me. Each time. He may replace the lead character opposite me from time to time, but I remain the protagonist. And so, all my unfinished love stories are nothing but beautiful short stories.

Christina said something to Meredith, right before she left. She said - "You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind. Don't let what he wants, eclipse what you need. He's very dreamy, but he's not the sun. You are".

Years from now, when I actually will be out in the rain, drenched, running for shelter, sipping hot cocoa beside my fireplace, I will read this blog and irrespective of being single or being with someone, I'll still feel full. Cause I never needed to be fixed. I just needed to be loved. And if that is so hard to find from someone else, about damn time I be that person for myself. And write my unfinished love story with myself... I'll stick with ellipsis I guess!