Lost and Found!
The universe conspires to bring two hearts together at the right time. Notice how I put the right time in bold. Cause I never believed in it till it happened with me.
Back in 2014, I made a friend in Bristol. Initially, she came across as someone who was a bit cold. I used to maintain my distance from her cause I am way too warm and bubbly and I was a bit unsure about her feelings towards me. But then something happened. Our worlds collided. And it felt like I was looking at someone who was way more emotional than me. Her ice cold front was a way for her to protect her heart. If life were a movie, she'd be like, oh wait! Nope. She is way too unique to be put into one character. Maybe bits and pieces from here and there, but not a single character can embody all her craziness and love and warmth.
Then as it happens in all the great love stories, we drifted apart. For four years, I did not reach out to her. I did miss her in silos. It's not like I was too proud to reach out or something, cause I have never let ego come in between my relationships. I needed my space to heal. However, somewhere in my heart I always knew that there is no hatred for her from my end and vice versa. It was just unfortunate to lose her. I needed time and space to grieve. And she gave it to me.
I guess the universe had other plans. It always does! When has it ever just been a silent observer. Like ever! Although, come to think of it, it is needed. These plans, these conspiracies, these chances, these detours. Unknowingly, they add meaning to our lives. I often look up to the sky and smile. Clear skies always reminded me of the picnic we used to have in Bristol, our study breaks, the moment we found a 5 pound note and decided to split it ( 2.5 pounds each)! Memories are such a beautiful place to drift to. They silently say to you - stay a little while longer, this is your happy place after all, isn't it?
After the pandemic was declared, a part of me started desperately hoping that she is fine. I started reaching out to the people I cared for in an alphabetical order. I knew her name would come somewhere, but I left that thought for later.
When I reached the letter T, I could not hold back. Plus a week before I started texting people, I found a letter she wrote to me back in 2015. I had put it on my table, having every intention to read it but too scared to open the Pandora's box again. Cause I knew that if I did, I would not be able to hold back. I was only as strong as this point, of not reading it. Letters have always been a very important part of my life. I am a hopeful romantic after all. Letters are the most honest and heartfelt carriers of emotions laid down on paper. Paper makes those feelings live forever. It's like knowing that this paper was touched by that person, their emotions poured on it. Knowing, that I was loved by them in that moment has the ability to remind me of a life that was filled with love, has been lived being surrounded by loved ones, if not in reality then in their thoughts at least.
I did. Read it. Cried. Then cried some more. Ever thought of why realisation is spelt like that? Cause it is actual "real"-lisation. That is when you come to terms with the reality that you have been avoiding for the longest time. I did love her. I loved her all along. In the last four years, I have been angry at her, hurt, confused, grieved the loss of us, loved her, loved her some more. But-indifferent? Not once. Not at all. I did keep an eye on her through social media platforms. I never asked myself if she missed me. Cause I guess I missed her enough for the both of us. So with that tumultuous baggage of emotions, I dropped her a text. It was a simple text but the words were honest. They were heartfelt.I never had the skill to use fancy words to express my emotions anyway and she knew that about me. I texted her - "I never stopped loving you. Not for a day. Not for an hour. Not for a minute. Not for a second". I went on to write some more, but you get the gist of it,right.
I sent this message to her with no expectation of a reply. I swear. If the world was ending, I wanted her to know that she is loved and missed. Maybe a lot has changed over the past 4 years, but I was still sure about my feelings, as sure I have been of my love for the rainbow. We hardly get rainbows in my part of the world, but each time we do, I fall in love with it like I am watching it for the very first time. She is my rainbow.
Three days went by and she did not reply and I did not even expect one. There comes a time in life wherein you stop expecting. I am not sad about it. I think it's just about becoming mature and coming to terms with a few truths. You realise that everyone is working on their own clock. If it's 8 o'clock in mine, it might be 10 in hers. But maybe, just maybe, one day, we can match our timing. This maybe, is actually where the universe comes into play. It decides a good time! Literally. It decides when it is a good time for us to join the hour, the minute and the second's hand.
Remember my 11:11 wishes I always used to talk about. I received her text at 11:11 last night. She had introduced me to the concept of the wishing hour and I never thought that she would be responsible for my wish come true moment. The message I received from her was so heartwarming. I read it thrice before I could reply anything. She called. We spoke after 4 years. That is after 126,144,000 seconds. Each second is a moment of not being with her yet having her in my conscience to have shared it with her. We had a 3 hour long call. It's like we were never apart. We fit. There was no awkwardness. Pure love and care and warmth and rainbows and butterflies and brownies and happiness. A sense of relief that thank god I have her. I have her now and I have someone beside me to fight my demons. Someone who understands me for who I really am. They say that people never change. I say that thank god they don't! Cause if they did - lost and found would never feel the same!
All the love I gave out to the universe came back to me. She is here now. I feel much more at peace. If you have that one person in your life you always wanted to reach out to, don't hold back. Do it! Send a simple paragraph of all the good things you miss about that person. If nothing, it would at least make them feel happy knowing that they were important for someone. I found my miracle. Cause I took the first step. Hope you find yours!
Love ( finds its way back to you in the strangest ways),
Aaliyah
Back in 2014, I made a friend in Bristol. Initially, she came across as someone who was a bit cold. I used to maintain my distance from her cause I am way too warm and bubbly and I was a bit unsure about her feelings towards me. But then something happened. Our worlds collided. And it felt like I was looking at someone who was way more emotional than me. Her ice cold front was a way for her to protect her heart. If life were a movie, she'd be like, oh wait! Nope. She is way too unique to be put into one character. Maybe bits and pieces from here and there, but not a single character can embody all her craziness and love and warmth.
Then as it happens in all the great love stories, we drifted apart. For four years, I did not reach out to her. I did miss her in silos. It's not like I was too proud to reach out or something, cause I have never let ego come in between my relationships. I needed my space to heal. However, somewhere in my heart I always knew that there is no hatred for her from my end and vice versa. It was just unfortunate to lose her. I needed time and space to grieve. And she gave it to me.
I guess the universe had other plans. It always does! When has it ever just been a silent observer. Like ever! Although, come to think of it, it is needed. These plans, these conspiracies, these chances, these detours. Unknowingly, they add meaning to our lives. I often look up to the sky and smile. Clear skies always reminded me of the picnic we used to have in Bristol, our study breaks, the moment we found a 5 pound note and decided to split it ( 2.5 pounds each)! Memories are such a beautiful place to drift to. They silently say to you - stay a little while longer, this is your happy place after all, isn't it?
After the pandemic was declared, a part of me started desperately hoping that she is fine. I started reaching out to the people I cared for in an alphabetical order. I knew her name would come somewhere, but I left that thought for later.
When I reached the letter T, I could not hold back. Plus a week before I started texting people, I found a letter she wrote to me back in 2015. I had put it on my table, having every intention to read it but too scared to open the Pandora's box again. Cause I knew that if I did, I would not be able to hold back. I was only as strong as this point, of not reading it. Letters have always been a very important part of my life. I am a hopeful romantic after all. Letters are the most honest and heartfelt carriers of emotions laid down on paper. Paper makes those feelings live forever. It's like knowing that this paper was touched by that person, their emotions poured on it. Knowing, that I was loved by them in that moment has the ability to remind me of a life that was filled with love, has been lived being surrounded by loved ones, if not in reality then in their thoughts at least.
I did. Read it. Cried. Then cried some more. Ever thought of why realisation is spelt like that? Cause it is actual "real"-lisation. That is when you come to terms with the reality that you have been avoiding for the longest time. I did love her. I loved her all along. In the last four years, I have been angry at her, hurt, confused, grieved the loss of us, loved her, loved her some more. But-indifferent? Not once. Not at all. I did keep an eye on her through social media platforms. I never asked myself if she missed me. Cause I guess I missed her enough for the both of us. So with that tumultuous baggage of emotions, I dropped her a text. It was a simple text but the words were honest. They were heartfelt.I never had the skill to use fancy words to express my emotions anyway and she knew that about me. I texted her - "I never stopped loving you. Not for a day. Not for an hour. Not for a minute. Not for a second". I went on to write some more, but you get the gist of it,right.
I sent this message to her with no expectation of a reply. I swear. If the world was ending, I wanted her to know that she is loved and missed. Maybe a lot has changed over the past 4 years, but I was still sure about my feelings, as sure I have been of my love for the rainbow. We hardly get rainbows in my part of the world, but each time we do, I fall in love with it like I am watching it for the very first time. She is my rainbow.
Three days went by and she did not reply and I did not even expect one. There comes a time in life wherein you stop expecting. I am not sad about it. I think it's just about becoming mature and coming to terms with a few truths. You realise that everyone is working on their own clock. If it's 8 o'clock in mine, it might be 10 in hers. But maybe, just maybe, one day, we can match our timing. This maybe, is actually where the universe comes into play. It decides a good time! Literally. It decides when it is a good time for us to join the hour, the minute and the second's hand.
Remember my 11:11 wishes I always used to talk about. I received her text at 11:11 last night. She had introduced me to the concept of the wishing hour and I never thought that she would be responsible for my wish come true moment. The message I received from her was so heartwarming. I read it thrice before I could reply anything. She called. We spoke after 4 years. That is after 126,144,000 seconds. Each second is a moment of not being with her yet having her in my conscience to have shared it with her. We had a 3 hour long call. It's like we were never apart. We fit. There was no awkwardness. Pure love and care and warmth and rainbows and butterflies and brownies and happiness. A sense of relief that thank god I have her. I have her now and I have someone beside me to fight my demons. Someone who understands me for who I really am. They say that people never change. I say that thank god they don't! Cause if they did - lost and found would never feel the same!
All the love I gave out to the universe came back to me. She is here now. I feel much more at peace. If you have that one person in your life you always wanted to reach out to, don't hold back. Do it! Send a simple paragraph of all the good things you miss about that person. If nothing, it would at least make them feel happy knowing that they were important for someone. I found my miracle. Cause I took the first step. Hope you find yours!
Love ( finds its way back to you in the strangest ways),
Aaliyah
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