Dolce far niente

Dolce far niente is an Italian phrase that means "the sweetness of doing nothing". I heard this for the first time in the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" in 2010. It is after 15 years though that I am finally able to practise it. I am not in a rush anymore. I am happy with where I am in life. Peaceful. Content. I can afford to spend an entire day looking out of the window at the sky, observing how the sunlight casts a different shadow at different hours of the day. I can draw mandala and colour my heart out. I can choose my favourite coloured sketch pen without the fear of the ink running out. I can read a book, only to re-read a few pages that bring me the most happiness. I can pause a movie and rewind it if the scene makes me smile. I can look at my Christmas decorations without guilt of them being safely stored inside. I can clean my house on the days I want to and not on the days when I don't feel like it. I am at peace with the fact that I hate to cook for one and know that I will cook my heart out when my husband comes back, or maybe he can do the cooking since he is so much better at it than me. 

I am okay with me being me. I am okay with the fact that I have a very few friends left. Only a handful. Considering that I have been a people pleaser my whole life and I am still left with so few, I wonder what happens to those who weren't. I am successful in my own way. When I miss god, I get a call from a loved one reminding me of how special I am. Maybe that is god's way of saying that he sees me, missing him, hoping that he would reach out and that he just did. But life is not an easy road. Far from it. I have my demons. My mistakes. They say that it is the mistakes that make you. I don't agree. I feel that I could have done just fine without them. Then comes the question of destiny or free-will? But that is an existential question that I cannot tackle at the moment. 

I watched a video last night before sleeping and it had such a great impact on me. I had to stop it and take notes. I am mentioning a few key points here so that I don't forget them. 

1. The mind does not let go of something that it still needs to understand. 

2. The mind does not hold on to people, it holds on to unfinished business, unspoken words, unresolved pain and till you return to the root cause of the pain, your thoughts will keep circling back to make sense of what your heart does not understand. 

3. Turn inwards. Trace the pain back to its origin. Understand why the wound exists. What is the wound? 

4. That person you were searching for was never them, it was always you. 

5. You need to take back the ownership of your soul. 

6. Create your closure within yourself.

7. You were never really being haunted, you were being called to heal. 

I felt really nice after listening to all this. These words made so much more sense to me. I am so glad I took notes, my future self will be thanking me. 

Demystifying Love,

Aaliyah


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