I am not so scared anymore!

 Today as I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, I came across a post from a friend of mine from 2020. We were colleagues first, working in a Big 4. We would confide in each other about the various challenges we faced at work, especially due to the pandemic. We had the same reporting manager. Somehow, I always felt that this job meant so much more to her than it did to me. I came from a different school of thought. I wanted to make a difference in the field by actually visiting the places of our study area and working with people on the ground unlike most corporate slaves who are hooked on to their excel sheets and their powerpoints. Back in 2020 September, I mustered the courage to quit the job since it did not align with my skills and aspirations. When I had left, my then reporting manager had a nasty exchange of words with me. He called me an NGO type person who needs to change the way she thinks to become a Corporate Consultant, all because I kept suggesting community based affordable solutions instead of fancy big brand names. 

For a long time, after quitting, I was scared that what if he would ruin my name in the sector and nobody would want to work with me. I was truly terrified at the thought of never being able to find a new job again. When I saw that she had uploaded a post with him in the photo, I paused for a second and I checked my emotions. And just like that, I was not so scared anymore.

Today, I am sitting here, in my cozy living room, studying in the most prestigious University in the whole world (for me at least). I am working on a subject so close to my heart. I have found my tribe of people who love and adore me for me. And I love and adore them just the same. My husband is my biggest strength for whom my PhD is as important as his own work. So in short, life worked out and it worked out for the best. It took me exactly 3 years and 4 months to be able to reach this stage, but I somehow did it! Back then, it felt like the end of the world. But it wasn't. What felt like a full stop was merely a comma planted by god cause he wanted to nudge me in the right direction. 

This feeling of not being scared is so liberating. Simply knowing that god has a plan and his plan is the best and he will make sure that whatever you can ever possibly dream of, you get it. This brings so much of peace to my heart. 

That said, I am so proud of the 28 year old Aaliyah for taking a stand for what she believed in and not going with the flow, just because it seemed comfortable. The 32 year old Aaliyah is grateful for the sacrifices made by her 28 year old version. If I could go back in the past, I would hug her tight. Allow her to cry to her heart's content. Then tell her that the future you would be so happy and so proud of you. The scholarship will come through. You will find your Prince Charming and he will love you right back. You will be happy. You will find new friends in a foreign land who will adore you. Your voice will be heard. And one day, you will make a difference. I promise. 

Loads of love to Aaliyah 28 from Aaliyah 32! We made it my love ❤️

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