Change is good :)

I won't lie and say that I just couldn't find the time to write. Because honestly I did.There are a million things that are to be shared!!!!! So much to say that this page might seem too small to pen down all my thoughts.Yes,I still haven't recovered from my very own Meena Kumari complex!!!!!!! There are no medicines for this.I mean,Why o Why there is nothing on Earth which can help me overcome this thing :(

Anyway,things have changed in the past 3 months and hopefully for good. I have decided to take up my career more seriously. Have actually given up on the idea of getting married 3 years from now. I have a long long way to go. I am not against marriage,its just way too beautiful. I'm the one who is damaged!!!!!


CHANGES IN ME-
1. Have cut my hair short ( I had like really long hair,not that long though,but then I cut it short,just like that- kidding,just trimmed it a bit,but I kinda like this hairstyle now. Even though my hairstylist in Calcutta was like it's uneven :P who cares :P I love it ;)
2. Got a tattoo on my left hand- It is the Tree of Life- Symbolises LOVE OF GOD. It is the symbol Egyptian warriors made on their armours before they went for a war. Life is a war. I am at war with me. Not with the people around. Once I get to control myself in front of them,no matter how bad they are to me, I would win :)
3. I have transformed from the girl who could think of nothing but marriage to the girl who just wants to run away from here.I was actually in love with the concept of a WEDDING!!!!! Not MARRIAGE!!!! That's like a grown-up's concept.
I never really got to spend time with myself. Moreover, it is good to love yourself. I am with me 24/7 and I don't even complain when I have all nonsensical thoughts flooding my brain.
I had shorlisted like a million Lehengas and used 2 follow Band Baaja Bride religiously when one day I woke up from this dream. I saw a close friend getting married. I am just 21!!!!!!! So much is left undone. I just can't be doing this!!!! I've worked way too hard to get here. Just can't throw it away for a guy.  Nobody in life is worth it if you don't think you're worth it. I am trying to achieve self-actualisation- which is accepting me for the person I am, not for what others want me to be. Hence I'm in love with Numb ;)

Don't expect like 10 changes, I'm taking things slow ;)


There is no break-up thing I have to deal with.We are "Friends with Benefits". Minus the sex that is. Him I'm not so concerned about.Because he has a lot to deal with. But it was good having him around to tell me that I look beautiful even when I knew I was looking hideous!!!! How easily he lied to me, how easily I believed him. He is a great guy minus the complex. I am a weird girl with the complex. Complex-complex=no complex!!!! So if at all we get married,our kids would be completely healthy ;) See, this is the problem with me!!!! I just wrote NO MARRIAGE FOR ME and I'm back to HAVING KIDS. This is how my brain works. One thing leads to another and then there is a link of thoughts and I begin to day-dream and then I smile and then when I wake up,I whine.

The good thing now is that I've got my Best Friend back in my life. I wish I had her when that horrible girl who was supposed to be a "CLOSE FRIEND" hurt me beyond repair. We both would've screwed her happiness big time. But now I've realised the value of a true friend. She is all the world I need. She is all the world I have. Honestly,many of us must be having like countless friends on Facebook or Twitter or wherever, but just think about it, when you're really hurt, whom do you want to share it with cause truth be told nobody cares of what went wrong with your life. People already have a lot of mess that has to be sorted. Why bother with anybody else's problem while you yourself are in deep shit. So I feel its good to have a friend or 2 who actually care for you. It's better if both your friends don't know each other!!! That way you can share what you don't like about the other one with another one with the other one never coming to know of what you have said about him/her to the other one. God!!!! Am I evil or what ;) But this helps make life simple :) Isn't this exactly what each one of us is looking for :) My Rule is I never ever bitch about my best friend. Like ever. If I have a problem, I say it to her face. Helps save the time I'd feel guilty over it ;)

Life is beautiful. I make it complicated :)
Believe me, God tries his level best to make things simple for me. I just go ahead to ruin it. It's like he is the sand castle and I am the wave which destroys it. While I keep on cribbing about my problems I forget that there are bigger issues to deal with. It's always been My problems,My solutions, My happiness. What have I ever done for anybody else??? Zilch, nothing at all. But then I know me. I'm not such a bad person at heart. I will end up helping others when the time is right. I just need to keep on believing in me :)


So I end this on a happy note. I still have the complex, but I'm taking it One Day At A Time ( just like Akon says ;) And problems are meant to be solved. Just in case it doesn't happen, think it was never meant to be :)