Why can't the endings be as beautiful as the beginnings?

 Just deal with it! Move along, instead of moving on. If it was meant to be, it will be. And god knows, how many more such quotes I have to go through in order to stop feeling the way I feel. Cause bewildered is what I feel. Hurt is what I feel. Lost is what I feel. Clueless is what I feel. 

I'll be turning 30 in November. Where is he? Is he even coming along? Or am I meant to stray and bark against all these wrong trees. Why does every tree feel like the right one. Maybe I am too blind to even notice if the tree is real or fake. 

Now what? No, seriously! What now? Me, by myself. Watching Netflix. And trying to not be haunted by all the flashbacks that keep hitting me so hard. How do you mourn the loss of a person who chooses to not be with you. A life without me is what he wanted. I didn't want that. I always try to make it work. Always. At this point, I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted. I gave my all in this one. Loved him way more than I loved Nescafe. Never thought that was possible. But I guess it was. And now, as I type this, alone, from the comfort of my bedroom, I wonder, what if we had actually chosen each other?

 What if, he would have stayed? 

All my friends keep telling me that it was all fake. Not once do they think how does that make me feel. Do I still not have what it takes to recognize people? I want to give myself a minute and ask myself if he faked it? No. He didn't. Whatever version of love he gave me was beyond beautiful. Sure, he had red flags, but who doesn't! 

My best memory of us will always remain when I used to wait for him at my place. He stays 60 kms away from me. We'd be on a call while he drove. When he opened my door while I was inside, waiting for him, wearing the most beautiful clothes, the happiness in my face, just to see him. Even if it was a lie, which it wasn't, it made me the happiest woman in the world. To be able to belong to someone, in that moment, that sense of completeness. I never had that before. I got it with him. I love him, still. And will continue to do so for a very long time. Till I won't be able to love him anymore. 

What happens to the person who is left behind? Yet again. I am miserable. Horribly miserable. I had him and now I don't and just like that, I am supposed to go to work like nothing happened. 

2 scenarios - 

i) Never having met him in the first place.

ii) Being loved and left like this. 

Modern day relationships end as easy as uninstalling an app from your phone. I still don't know how to deal with it, but I will figure something out. 

Love,

Aaliyah

Comments

  1. That IIT guy19 August 2021 at 00:47

    Apps can be uninstalled but it's not easy to delete all those memories made together. Sometimes you wish you didn't create those in first place while sometimes you relish that at least you got some part of the relationship still with you.

    ReplyDelete

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