In 'No Man's Land'
I have been lost for so long. Not lost actually. I am in the U.K. Yes, I am not shooting at the moment, because I am no real 'Meena Kumari', so for the people with average looks like me, we have to study hard before we can make something of ourselves and drown in misery. Initially, I thought I'd post this at Thought Catalogue, but then I thought, I have my own blog, which my ex-boyfriend helped me set. Ouch, I am hurt now again at the memories, but honestly now, it doesn't hurt that much. I didn't take up drinking, as expected, since I am supposed to follow Meena Kumari's footsteps. I am doing just fine for myself. Not quite actually. As I am trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart, I am trying to figure out, could I have handled things more differently....
For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, let me introduce myself. If this was a movie, I would be Carrie Bradshaw ( only 20 pounds heavier :P and Indian ). I am actually trying to run away from my Meena Kumari complex. Easily put, I enjoy being unhappy. Oh come on now. I love to smile. But that's debatable. I was with someone for 5 years, decided to study a bit more, so came to the U.K. In the meanwhile, he found someone else and is happy with her. Can't believe that the last time I wrote my blog, I was still committed....
What is it about relationships? Why did we come up with the word 'forever' if we didn't even have the faintest idea of what it meant. I am still alive. I coped up well with this incident. But am I really living?? To all those people out there, ' Are you merely ALIVE or are you LIVING' ???
I went on a date yesterday, just to push me further. I have my boundaries now. If there was a limit on being hurt by a person, I think I have exhausted it by now. And usually, I am not a sad person. Not even close. Or maybe I have improved on hiding my scars.
As I am sitting here, typing, I am wondering, where am I right now? What was the point of everything? I am 23 now and I feel like I am having a midlife crisis already. And I don't even have any responsibility yet. Shame on me. Like seriously. I am caught in a 'no man's land' where I don't want anyone but I want to learn to laugh again...
How do people become such complete strangers??? There was a time when I would just pick up my phone, call him, talk rubbish, fight and be just fine with it. And now, I don't know whom to call. Most of my friends are busy getting married, and I was the first of the lot who was supposed to get married. I don't even know where I am now....
With every day that passes by, I feel like I am losing a little bit of me in the gamble called life. Why do I have to let a man define my existence?? But the fact remains, that he was not any man, he was 'My Man'. And now at 23, I have to start dating again, just to make sure that I am still 'social' towards men. What would Meena Kumari have done had she been in my shoes? From what I've heard, she drowned herself into alcohol after every heartbreak. Something which I can't do at the moment, because I neither have the time, nor the money for things like that. I guess I'll just have to cope being in this 'grey area' where I am just learning to breathe again :) I seriously hope that I get there, that is, out of the 'No Man's Land' to ' One Man's Land'.
For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time, let me introduce myself. If this was a movie, I would be Carrie Bradshaw ( only 20 pounds heavier :P and Indian ). I am actually trying to run away from my Meena Kumari complex. Easily put, I enjoy being unhappy. Oh come on now. I love to smile. But that's debatable. I was with someone for 5 years, decided to study a bit more, so came to the U.K. In the meanwhile, he found someone else and is happy with her. Can't believe that the last time I wrote my blog, I was still committed....
What is it about relationships? Why did we come up with the word 'forever' if we didn't even have the faintest idea of what it meant. I am still alive. I coped up well with this incident. But am I really living?? To all those people out there, ' Are you merely ALIVE or are you LIVING' ???
I went on a date yesterday, just to push me further. I have my boundaries now. If there was a limit on being hurt by a person, I think I have exhausted it by now. And usually, I am not a sad person. Not even close. Or maybe I have improved on hiding my scars.
As I am sitting here, typing, I am wondering, where am I right now? What was the point of everything? I am 23 now and I feel like I am having a midlife crisis already. And I don't even have any responsibility yet. Shame on me. Like seriously. I am caught in a 'no man's land' where I don't want anyone but I want to learn to laugh again...
How do people become such complete strangers??? There was a time when I would just pick up my phone, call him, talk rubbish, fight and be just fine with it. And now, I don't know whom to call. Most of my friends are busy getting married, and I was the first of the lot who was supposed to get married. I don't even know where I am now....
With every day that passes by, I feel like I am losing a little bit of me in the gamble called life. Why do I have to let a man define my existence?? But the fact remains, that he was not any man, he was 'My Man'. And now at 23, I have to start dating again, just to make sure that I am still 'social' towards men. What would Meena Kumari have done had she been in my shoes? From what I've heard, she drowned herself into alcohol after every heartbreak. Something which I can't do at the moment, because I neither have the time, nor the money for things like that. I guess I'll just have to cope being in this 'grey area' where I am just learning to breathe again :) I seriously hope that I get there, that is, out of the 'No Man's Land' to ' One Man's Land'.
Comments
Post a Comment