It's Complicated!!!!

Before I start typing I'd like to say " Thank You " to  Kaushal  for appreciating what I wrote and motivating me to write more. God bless you :)

I love to write,but then I love the conventional way more, which includes a pen and a paper ;) See, I am actually a bit lazy when it comes to switching on the laptop and typing. But its important that I do this :)

It's been over a month since I last wrote anything, so as usual I am bursting out to share :)


But before I start sharing the happenings of my life,I'd like to come back to where I had started ie. Meena Kumari, Sigh! Will I ever be that beautiful???? :( I mean,what was the point of being so beautiful,so talented if she had to lose it all. She drank way too much . Just think over it, why does anybody,for that matter,drink????
I am HIGH ON LIFE!!!!! Ice tea gives me a lot more kick than Long Island or an Apple Martini . To Each his Own, accepted! And I hate to Nag!!!!. But honestly,does it ACTUALLY help to forget all that has gone wrong in life???? Because if it does, I may be willing to have it myself. Just kidding ;) I'd rather shop than waste money on alcohol ;)

As her end approached, she fell in love with a very famous actor( whose name I won't be sharing cause I really love him too ;) OMG!!!! see, I am so like her!!!! We both love him!!!!! :) My favourite Veteran Actor  :* )
There is this tag line in a movie - " LOVE MAKES LIFE LIVE !!!!!!"
I beg to differ. I believe " Love Makes Life So Complicated that You Forget How to Live and Then You Drink!!!!! ".
Yes, call me a sadist. Maybe I am one. I mean, I have it all!!!! I mean seriously!!!

Reasons to be Happy
1. I have a loving family :)
2. a nice dog too( wait, he is already included in the family :P it's just that I am allergic to him ;)
3. a guy who loves me like crazy and treats me like a princess
4. a best friend who is 24/7 available to listen to all my problems and love me inspite of me being damaged :*
5. I study in a decent college ( better than decent ;) Oh God!!!! I am bragging again ;) )
6. I've lost some weight ( aahaan ;) )
7. I bought a lot of nice clothes ( I am a girl so this kind of stuff gives me an adrenaline rush ;) )

Things Which Upset Me
1. I don't know HOW TO DRIVE!!!!!! There,I said it!!!! I just can't. It's like I am so messed up, I feel like I am bound to kill someone :( It's not like I didn't learn. I did, I did. But I just don't want to hurt anyone for that matter. I am waiting for the day when I have enough money. I'll buy myself a Cruise Control Luxury Car.
Yeah baby!!!!!  I'll buy a Black Range Rover. See, I am day dreaming again :( If you could see me now you'd laugh so loud. I was literally nodding my head like I was driving and listening to my favorite song ;) Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Blisssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meena Kumari also didn't know how to drive ( I am just guessing, I am just trying to relate us more ;) )
2. I don't have a Passport!!!!!!!!!!! And I wish to study abroad!!!!!!!!! I mean I have applied for it and stuff,but the wait is killing me,like literally!!!!!!! :( ( Maybe she didn't have a passport too)
3.Now the actual reason why I can relate to Meena Kumari is this

I am in love with someone for the past 10 years!!!!!!!!! We both were in school. We were in the same class.Let's name him Akbar. Cause I don't want any controversies later. And I actually do think I am Jodha. I may not be a Princess but I am a Rajput( no class bias, I am just trying to relate things cause Akbar was a Mughal Ruler and Jodha was a Rajput Princess ;))
So this is more of a Jodha Akbar revisited with a Meena Kumari in it ;)
KJO hire me already ;) LOL ;)

Now on a very serious note. I love Akbar!!!!!!!!! I am amazed, like literally how come I have not started drinking yet!!!!!!!!! I am just 21!!!!! So much of heartache!!!!!!!!!

If you could read the love poems I wrote!!!!!! I mean I cry every single time I read them but my best friend just couldn't stop laughing at them!!!! She is yet to witness this Jodha-Akbar love :P

Meena Kumari did the exact same thing. Only in a much more refined manner. She wrote in Urdu and I write in English. Just like Akbar even my Akbar can't read properly :P So what's the point of me writing in Urdu. Kidding, he got like 80 in Boards :) I got 92 :P See, I am bragging again. Did Meena Kumari ever brag??? I mean she had a reason to brag, unlike me. Whatever, coming back to the main plot of the story. I love my Akbar more than anything in the world( obviously not as much as I love my mom,or my sis,or my best friend ) but I love him a lot. And he knows it. But there is nothing more to it. He doesn't love me back.
  
Every morning I pray to god that Please Oh Please make me forget all about him!!!!!!! But this never happens. I think I need a doctor. I am obsessed with him. Like literally!!!!!! He gave me a perfume on my birthday when I was in 12th. Obviously my boyfriend knew how to make better use of it so he sprayed it on my dog!!!!!!! And I could do nothing about it. I just sat there staring :(


Now for the most important question!!!!!!!!!!!
                                                Is There Any Hope?????


I know that there is no hope,none whatsoever. I am a fool to miss out on life looking out for something for whom I am invisible. I have been invisible for the past 10 years. What's another 40 years( assuming I live that  long and I don't die after indulging into drinking and smoking,nah, I'd still shop ;))


See, Life's Complicated. I am with someone, I love someone, My Akbar doesn't love me.

But I really don't want to be all sad over it. Cause I got to know him in this lifetime. And I don't expect anything else. IF IT'S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE :)

I'm fine :) I have been for the past 10 years. I will be for the next 40 :) ( without drinking ;) so I am not totally like you Meena Kumari ;) Still, I am a lot like you ;) )