My Petrichor Pages

Disappointment! Such a heavy word. It's a big word too. Come to think of it, the one who actually first thought of this word, must actually be down in the dumps to begin with. A quick Google search shows that it clearly means - depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectations. I think I chose the right word to describe my feelings. I wanted something so bad and when I did not get it, I felt discouraged because of my unfulfilled desire... At moments like these, there will be no dearth of people reaching out to you to tell you that - " Hey, come on, this is all a part of god's master plan. He knows what he is doing better than anyone else. Just have faith in him." I say bollocks to you! I know you mean well, but who knows if I will even be alive to see the actual plan unfold in time. What's the point if I end up dying before actually seeing the real reason behind the actions. What happens then? Isn't it unfair? Which brings me to...

Who knows, if you'll stay? Who knows, if you'll go? Who knows, if I am again supposed to fly solo. Who knows, if this is love? Or just a jittery feeling till we both decide to give up. Who knows, if it will hurt twice as bad or not at all? Who knows what will happen tomorrow, but today, I am ready to take the fall. And if at all we do make it to the finish line, know that I was secretly praying for us all this while...

... or ! or ? That's confusing right. Because, are they really over? Like ever? What happens when you don't hear from them? Would you ever pop up like a memory in their heads. Plural, because this post is for all the men I've dated in the past. It's strange right? Just like some small little thing done by somebody, reminds you of someone, doesn't a similar small little thing done by somebody else remind them of you? Despite the social distancing, I've never been more connected to my inner circle than I am now. Though I have my days when I don't wish to speak to anybody. But that said, most days are good days. However, there is one feeling that I really miss. I don't know how to explain it. But let me give it a shot. Imagine, you're walking down the road, it is about to rain, the wind is really strong and you have your hoodie on. Though you enjoy the chill in the air, you want to reach home soon. So you start jogging towards home. A part...